September 14, 2026 — 404 words
The FDAC has announced the discovery of new flowers following the conclusion of a comprehensive investigation of what’s happening. We’re excited to present the list of new flowers. Naturalists everywhere are encouraged to just go outside and find them! Just do that! Go out there and see them wherever flowers are.
Green-eyed loser
Scorched ankle
Ragged maiden
Big boy
Shriek-weed
Rusty knife
Hawk-eyed magnet
Yellow rage
Dead zone
Brick-toothed Jonathan
Special marksman
Pond lord
Razor man
Bunch-of-duds
Soft-footed leopard
Unboiled star
Brown streak
Scruffy hacksaw
Horrible lullaby
Anxious bluebell
Puke water
Moon buffer
Shredded ear
Pick-of-the-pack
Old guy
Chuckling ninja
Angry papercut
Dry heaver
Fairy blood
Hypnotized lily
Rambling pirate
Grass death
Poisoned lawyer
Sunbaked potatoleaf
Needle fury
Slab of this
God of the swamp
Goblin feet
Sizzle dazzle
Susan’s mayhem
Apple rot
Lil’ peeper
Dorkweed
Pretty girl
People pleaser
Knob root
Scheming child
Poking pansy
Troubled wife
Stunted orphan
Red oak rash
Off-kilter clown nose
Sword pearl
Shy guardian
Prickled farm queen
Slim bourbon
Aztec freakshow
Failed beeper
Magic sundrop
Slashing flight attendant
Orange graffiti
Frillian
Black-headed buckington
Goofy lightbeam
Princess of the dining room
Windy brickabrack
Pulsing madness
Fish pelt
Sharp blowback
Dinklefoot
Diesel huffer
Michael’s lament
Bilious gullet
Lawless wanderer
Cream landmass
Dazed oracle
Whiskey chug
Happy golden
Stalker’s folly
Blind voyager
Morning bliffer
Four-leafed delight
Candid trash gem
Lost cannon
Strumpet's trumpet
Silver meat
Hogsfoil
Bushy clucksheaf
Snapping reality
Flashy gunt griever
Angel orifice
Peeled-back raptor flesh
Blue-streaked fernweed
Clinging lover
Hort mort bort frort blort porp
Backstage cable
Singing brown mess
Jester head
Goddess tear
Electric troll
Bearded eyeball
Disfigured flamethrower
Smoky rat
Girl in the way
Purple assassin
Fat king
Itchy southbound
Wetland motor
Rain-choked bubble bell
Scissor jump
Vibrating rose
Joyful mud boom
Blooming terror
Indian ferryman
Dull gaffiger
Frosted moonbomb
Spear of Anthony
Sunspotted cowhead
Splash of sludge
Weeping wallflower
Wayward spirit
Curling sawblade
Cliffside yellowdust
Mottled blinker
Peeking foxlure
Valley mascot
Primose pepperdoodle
Stinging ranch hand
Jeremy's secret
Chocolate growth
Milk-faced bandit
Whispering banshee
Mortal pinwheel
King's daughter
Rainbow lockdown
Grimacing everbloom
Swarthy Irishman
Feathered pine waste
Lavender bank vault
Prairie flush
Toxic crestfall
Leaping diamond
Jeweled marker
Heavyset thorn blade
Silver-faced addict
Northern fact checker
Alpine oil spill
Summer's sigh
Ghoulish machine
Lost love
Shybell
Broken average
Dusty crockface
Panicking carpenter
Shiny flipflop
Data-harvesting death machine
White gutter blossom
Plunter
Feefer
Jagger
Forfer
Globbed porter
Clicking meat
Unwashed searchlight
Grumbling horsetail
Old cabbage weed
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