800 words
We here at coolokthen play video games. Do we? No. But we do. We don't. However we do play them. Not this time. Then? Hmmm! Right. Ok. So the new game Wars of Zion 3: Rise of Gillllllllgmorn just came out so we had to fucking play this shit. Why? Ok. Let's get onto this fucking review.
Wars of Zion 3: Rise of Gillllllllgmorn starts out with an epic opening cut scene. In the previous game Wars of Zion 2: WAARRRRRRSSSSSSS the Traxxner character leaves Yorooyryryo for dead. But in this opening of the new game Yorrororyyooro actual lives! So that sets up the whole game. It's a revenge game through and through.
The introductory level is epic. We play as our hero Zorrrrr and are thrust into the Caverns of Grangel where we must battle our way through almost pure darkness which is aided only by a torch we must constantly keep lit by dousing it in oil along the way. When we reach the end of the level we're treated to a flashback of Zorrrr's character. In it we see Zorrrrr as a child. He is being held by his mother and shivering in fear. Strange sounds swirl outside his cottage. Moments later he's violently torn from his mother's arms and carried away by strange men in masks. They perform a foreign ceremony full of dance and sacred rituals and Zorrrr is supposedly reborn as an adult man or something. I didn't really get this. Seemed kind of strange and dumb to me. Anyway, BACK TO THE GAME PART!!!
This game gets really fucking epic after this. You're then allowed access to the giant epic world that is &R(H@&#*H&(*@H#F(*. It's a giant epic open world where you can run free and do anything because of how giant this epic giant world is. You're not confined to levels. It's giant. You play the game at your pace because it's fucking giant and epic. This is why I like the game. It's giant. It's a giant game for the gamers which makes it epic.
Soon you realize what you've been doing is the same goddamn thing you've been doing every day the last three years of your life. The routine has become inevitable as if you're a train on tracks with no option to go wherever you please. The track has been laid and that's where you're going, no two ways about it. So what do you do? Well first thing's first, take your medicine. The medicine keeps the demons away. Where did those demons come from? Monotony? Maybe. Maybe something deeper. Who knows. It's there. Take your medicine.
With this in mind we can now start to discuss how the structure is created soley to keep your attention. Attention is the new currency and everyone is competing for it. Consequently, incredibly effective and manipulative tactics have been created to keep you hooked daily. It's brilliant. Even if you ARE aware of it, it's extremely difficult to break the habits set in motion. It's like having Las Vegas in your pocket. Pull the lever. Push the button. Did you win? Doesn't matter. That hit of dopamine was either fulfilled or denied and you need to do it again despite what happened. Cool. Cool ok then.
Now, expanding on this, it's not just a matter of faith, it's also a matter of faith as well. You've gotta believe that there is a greater purpose than yourself. You can't just live for yourself. HA! Whoever said that is a MORON. What you see is the only thing that exists. That's it! Let's look at the situation:
This situation can be described in two words: this situation. Situations arise out of a common need for situations to be present. Without situations the human psyche is left to its own devices and that can lead to an array of situations.
Continuing on, can you recite the anthem please? You need to know the anthem if you want to be an upstanding anthem presenter. The anthem sets the stage for your existence and the words reestablish daily the commitment you have to the nation state. Well well well look what we have here. Another vague dystopian themed paragraph. Gotta throw those in there every once in a while to keep you sharp. Did it do anything for you? How did it make you feel? Did you relate it to the current political situation in your own reality or did you roll your eyes and continue chopping that tomato for the lentil soup you're making for dinner tonight? Lentil soup is good. Lots of good recipes out there for lentil soup.
And that's why we give Wars of Zion 3: Rise of Gillllllllgmorn a rating. We can highly recommend it unless you don't want to play it.