546 words
Hello customer!
Just wanted to give you all an update on all the exciting things that are happening here at coolokthen.com!!! As you can see A LOT has changed and we're very excited about that change. Now, to continue serving you the best that we can we want to address some concerns that we've heard from multiple people.
DEFECTIVE PRODUCTS
Many people have reported defective products. We want to assure you that in every case they were wrong. The products functioned perfectly. The user/consumer was at fault. Why? Because you have to use code ORDERMORE in order to get more products. When you enter this code at checkout a few surprise items will be added to your cart and immediately purchased at an additional cost. This allows us to send you more products that you want. The products may or may not arrive. Be patient.
WEBSITE CONFUSING
Many people find the website confusing and hard to navigate. We assure that it's not. In order to see this, please use code YESSSSMORE at checkout. When you order $100 or more worth of products you don't get that. You have to order more products.
EMAIL CONFIRMATIONS MISSING
Some have reported that they never received an email confirmation of their order. They did. We checked. To ensure that this doesn't happen again (it didn't ever happen) please use code PROOOOODUUUUUUCCCCTSSSSS11111123 at checkout to order products. When you do this it gives us an incentive to make more products. The products you purchase will then be used to send you more products that you want of our products that you want more products to buy products.
NEW PRODUCTS INFERIOR TO OLDER DESIGNS
Many have complained they feel the products are not up to the standard they once were. Let us assure that if you order in the next 10 minutes we'll sell you more products at a rate of 1889128 to 1, a STEAL!! Enter code STEAL at checkout and you'll be charged a convenience fee at 20% of the original adjusted price including dividends, taxes, and inflations not here withstanding section C-777 of penal code iiiiiii222. Furthermore, that.
COLLECTION OF PRIVATE AND/OR SENSITIVE INFORMATION
We have heard A LOT of complaints about customer's private information being sold to third parties. In addition to this, we highly recommend that in order to best experience our website and products please update all contact information, cell phone numbers, email addresses, home addresses, business phone numbers, credit card numbers including expiration date and CVV number. By doing so you sign into an agreement among all parties involved that your information is a part of the products which is highly recommended for the best experience of our products. Products. Products. Use code PRODOJWIFOEWHHWEPOFIHWOEF for more products. Three products have been added to your cart. To use more products we recommend ordering products for the products you have ordered products those products the products.
Thank you for your patience with coolokthen.com as we transition into an exciting future of new products. If you have questions or concerns, please allow 6-7 days for the products to arrive even if they don't arrive. Or contact us with the subject "ORDER THESE PRODUCTS" and list the products you would like to order.