COOL OK THEN

There will come moments in each of our lives where we must say goodbye to family, friends, or loved ones. Parting is a part of life. We’re here to give you a few pointers on how to do that and do it right so that you can move on with your life and not get swallowed in the hole of sadness and darkness that creeps in and clouds your thoughts daily because it’s just one more fucking thing you have to come to terms with hahahah cool let’s take care of those demons RIGHT NOW.

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Here’s the first tip. Saying goodbye isn’t always forever so don't look at it like that unless it is like that. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. Let’s take the case that it isn’t. Let’s say you have a friend, maybe a best friend, moving out of town. So what’s the big deal? Is your friend dying? No. Get on with it then. See a movie, have a burger, say goodbye without making eye contact because you’re a fucking coward you fuck and you realize you don’t have many close friends in this goddamn town. It’s your fucking fault. DEAL WITH IT. It’s just that easy! Friends happen. So what you need to do is move along. Yep just continue on like nothing happened. And you know what, you'll have more friends in no time! How? How do you get those friends? How do you find people with similar interests and strange humor and a disdain for the general population's obsession with devouring content? Ok cool!

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Ok so let’s say you’re saying goodbye forever, maybe someone is dying. Ok death. Cool. That’s a heavy subject. Is it? Let’s look at this. It’s not. If movies have taught us anything it’s that no one really dies. Even though a person dies they continue to live through you in spirit. That’s the magic of movies, to teach us lessons like this that couldn't have been taught any other way. And they present it in a way that's legitimate and sincere because it's in a movie. Often once this lesson is learned the movie ends. Why? Because there’s nothing else you have to deal with. The sadness goes away just like that! Movies show us that yes death is tough but in thruth it's not tough at all. Some people (basically no one) might say that these franchise superhero films make a mockery of death when over the course of a few hours characters who have been deeply mourned after their passing are magically brought back to life through some laughable plot. What was the point of that mourning? It cheapens deep loss into an almost offensive distillation of the real experience. I dunno, maybe I'm reaching here but that shit bothers me. Ha ok kidding! I love this stuff. People who say that are missing the point. Movies are great. Ok!

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Saying goodbye is an opportunity for growth. How? Well let’s look at this. Saying goodbye allows you to say hello to new opportunities. What about that new tv show you’ve been meaning to watch? You’ve been putting it off because this person you’re saying goodbye to has been selfishly sucking all your time away from important tv watching. Or maybe you have a movie series to watch. You can watch that now! Or maybe you have a video game you’ve been meaning to play. NOW YOU CAN PLAY IT!!! Or maybe you've been meaning to get online and catch up on websites talking about games and movies and tv. Now after watching those you have something to contribute! Cool!!!! That’s the point. That's what's left. This is your new purpose, to willingly become a free marketing tool for giant franchises by relentlessly absorbing their content and unconsciously pushing it on others through casual conversation. Neat! It's a worthwhile thing to be a part of and you're playing your part! Fuck. Ok cool!

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Take it in. Saying goodbye allows you to reflect on your relationship with that person in a way you couldn’t before. Often when we part from someone close it offers a new perspective. New thoughts and emotions emerge and the importance of that person takes hold. In many cases, if the goodbye is not forever, it will allow the relationship to evolve in different and important ways and also allow you to appreciate that relationship more deeply where in many instances before it was taken for granted. This awareness will bring greater appreciation to your other close relationships as well and provide a rare opportunity for self reflection and inevitable yet necessary personal growth. This tip is a bit of a stretch and unsubstantiated claims like this are often not worth diving into. Let’s table this horse shit for now. Cool!

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When saying goodbye it’s advised to speak what’s on your mind. Once I was saying goodbye to someone and told them how I really felt about Explode Man 32: Explode Blam Here Comes The Final Fucking Battle And Now We Gotta Sit Through This Shit Even Though We Know What’s Going To Happen And I Just Want To Go Home And Lay Down It’s Too Fucking Much Fuck Every Scene Has Been Dialed To Ten And I Haven't Been Sleeping Much Lately So Why The Fuck Am I Here Watching This Shit. I told my friend that I liked it even more than I had originally thought and they did too and it brought us closer together. If I hadn’t spoken up that never would have happened! It’s been a fucking crazy 11+ years man and the impact you’ve had on my life is unmeasurable. You’re one of my best friends and closest people in my life. It’s hard to see you take off. You’re incredibly reliable and someone I can genuinely count on. You’re consistently up for anything, any new experience, even last minute and it’s a quality I really admire. And the conversation you ignite and contribute always leaves me in deep appreciation that I have someone like you in my life. I’m going to miss that most, just sitting around talking about how dumb movies are and examining some new wisdom you've garnered from a meaningful book and laughing at the weirdest shit. I don’t know anyone who enjoys the same humor or sees the world so similarly. Fuck man it’s hard to see you go but it’s right. Safe travels on your way up there. Furthermore, speaking your mind provides a sense of relief as it releases what you've been bottling up. It is advised you avoid speaking your mind if you have any negative feelings toward movie franchises. It is best to look at oneself in this situation because you are wrong. Movies. Movies are right. Alright we fucking get it. Enough with the fucking antipathy towards movies. Go do the shit you like and leave it alone already. The joke is getting old, man. Why do you have to be so negative? Let us enjoy this and we'll let you enjoy your shit.

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Alright back to movies. If you get the Quanititumium Power Rock you can travel back in time and bring people back to life with it using it to those that were living and then that would be that and people would live again for it with those. You wouldn’t have to come to terms with saying goodbye. This is a worthwhile thing to do. Look at the graph about this:

[Graph redacted for omission purposes. Provide personal and private data in order to provide that data.]

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Ok I’d like to camp at Shhhhhh Quiet Time Ville this year again I think. If we get too close to the madness we’ll never sleep but if we camp way too far out it’ll be a long fucking bike ride to get to anything. I would like to spend more time riding around the city this year actually. I did that last time and it was pretty fun. I’d also like to check out some of the stranger workshops just to branch out a bit. Could be cool. Cool ok then.

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And finally, when saying goodbye always wave. Waving is important. It symbolizes that the transaction is complete and leaves no question as to whether further interaction is needed. Sometimes confusing signals can be sent in the goodbye ritual but in time you will learn that a proper wave is the oa f j8289f289f9 89af2j fa89p f2898jaf 982f p89 fa89892f828pfj92 WAVE! WAVE?!! Yep just a good ol’ wave will do the trick!

           What? Just wave! Why? Well you gotta wave! Wave

Wave wave wave

Hhapove 89avw98e9hv8ewh98we889aw vh HAAAA WAVE THAT WAVE…….

When you wave, you wave. And when you don’t wave IT’S STILL A WAVE.

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