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Ok another day at the local coffee shop! I love the local coffee shop. We all do. That's where you see the local people and watch them while you sip your coffee and wake up to the wonders of the world. Can't recommend it enough!
Let's see who's frequenting the local coffee shop today. Guy wearing a sports shirt and a backwards baseball cap. Neat! This guy fucking OWNS it. He knows who he is and doesn't give a fuck about how he presents himself to the world. He loves his sports teams and that's the way it's gonna be. Who am I to judge? I don't. I just observe. Just the Commander of Observing in charge of observing others living their lives and ooohh fuck there he goes. He's off to start his day and sports are a part of that! Neat.
Hooo boy that was a close one. Had to run home to use the bathroom. The local coffee shop doesn't have a bathroom. What fucking coffee shop doesn't have a bathroom?! I dunno man. Ok at another local coffee shop now and it has a goddamn bathroom. Yep, there's more than one local coffee shop in town! I wonder what these coffee shops think about each other. Does one ponder to the farthest reaches of the world, "praytell ye coffee shop! Why do ye wander so far from thy bossom? Canst thou see and proclaim thee to thyself! Love exists not in the realm of tragedy but in thy heart's persistent yearning for its beloved treasure over yonder hills' firmament! Proclaim it! Proclaim it loudly so that she might hear thy boisterous declaration of thine own undying passion!"
Ok now who else is here. Why it's the guy with a hat sitting behind and to the left of me that was looking right fucking at me when I turned my head to look around. Made eye contact with him. What the fuck is his deal? He looked away immediately. Yeah that's fucking right. You look away. I'm the dominant male here. Keep your gaze away from me you fuck. Can't hold eye contact? Shows you to be a weak fuck and now I know it. Everyone here knows it. Everyone saw our little exchange where I fucking dominated the situation and now you're left with nothing you worthless fuck. Crawl back to your passive, pathetic life where you step aside for the dominant male such as me. I LOVE THE COFFEE SHOP.
Who else do we have here? A woman with a pastry waiting for her coffee. She nibbles uneasily at it. How she waits and waits! The suspense. It's as if a small drama is taking place center stage here. Her life is filled with these small moments of drama. The suspense builds inside her like it always does for everything. Anxiety wells up, the feeling of uncertainty clinging to her gut with the grip of a mother raven protecting her unhatched offspring. Why? Why do you feel this way? Let's look back at your childhood here. Your mom overracted at every little thing. A small minor setback meant a major dramatic spell and she unleashed it on you. And now you wait for your goddamn coffee with the screams of a thousand lost voices of who you could have been. You live this in every moment and this moment's voice will join those other cursed voices. They will build and collect throughout your life and at the end you will have gathered a magnificant chorus and they will sing your lamentations as you pass from this world with nothing but a satchell full of "what ifs" bundled up next to your frigid corpse. Neat!
Who else is visiting the local coffee shop today that we all love and frequent on some days and not other days but Wednesdays sometimes but not always that day except when it's Wednesday? Well well well we have a woman wearing nurse scrubs holding her phone right fucking next to me. That's cool. Listening to a voicemail it seems. Wonder why. What did it say? Now she's texting. Doing the old texty text text text textxtxteeext texttxt. That's code for "I need to fucking text!" It's what the locals call a Text Situation. These are frequent at the local coffee shop and unique to the neighboring places. We all must honor this woman and the sacrifice she's made in choosing a profession that helps people. And off she goes! Out into the world to save the people and society and other people! CLEAR! Hahaha just a little hospital joke there. Fuck off.
Miss? Miss! Miss! I can help you over here. PAY ATTENTION AND HAVE RESPECT FOR THE LOCAL COFFEE SHOP!!!!!! Jesus fuck stop holding up the fucking line. I don't care that you have a kid. No excuse. Let's get this woman escorted to the Chambers of Reconfiguration into Societal Norms. It's a process by which unwanted behavior is quickly, painfully, and sufficiently removed from an offending individual and they are then returned to society in an entirely new location unknown to them. This woman is a prime candidate. Ok ma'am, read the following to begin the process:
I am an offender.
I have offended.
I am unable to provide worth on my own.
I renounce my humanity and give it to the powers at hand.
I trust the powers at hand.
I trust them to rebuild me into the image of a perfect model citizen.
I will wear this correction helmet and succumb to the electrical impulses to fix all things within, forever and ever, praise be.
Wow!!! The local coffee shop is really buzzing now! The line has grown TENFOLD. Who else do we have here. A woman with a striped shirt. Her shirt screams POET. She writes astoundingly profound poetry of the poetry type. Her style hails from the 1920s Avant Greco Roman writers of the 1930s. Let's listen now to her beautiful words that are sure to resonate throughout the ages and beyond them!
Cars pass with abundant claim
Of the hard earth for which they were made
How easy!
How easy!
Tires revolve, round and bigger ones
Motion! How easy!
Why the fuck do people keeping looking at me?
Am I fucking doing something weird here? I keep getting these looks.
Oh wait I'm the fucking DOMINANT MALE here. These fucks don't know what to do with themselves. Never seen one before and now they're in the presence of an unquestionable and unequalled and UNSHAKEABLE FORCE. Yes yes I get it. I SEE it now. They see it. We all recognize the dominant male now. We get it. I LOVE THE COFFEEEEEE SHOHOHPHOPOOPPOPO!!PO!O!OP!!!!!!!
Alright ok last one here. The old man in the corner. The elder. The ancient wisdom of the local coffee shop. The former dominant force who passed the baton to ME the current dominant force. We must all take a moment to acknolweldge the elder man. He smiles with ease, his content nature earned through a life of action. He sits in a meditative state open for the sharing of wisdom. Come children! Come! What the fuck, this woman just sat right next to me. Fuck. Get the fuck out of here jesus you ruined my concentration. FUCK! Ok back to it. Come children! Gather in the presence of the elder and let his wisdom wash over you and cover you with birth anew. Welcome to a new beginning, eyes open to the beauty and tragedy of life. This is what he offers! Not an adolescent womb to cling to but a promise of all hope and possibility. CHILDREN! Put down your games, your movies, your tv shows, your good vs evil dichotomous and unrealistic thinking. Take up arms and embrace the oihaw 48tha8 h89 ha 98hp2a9h8g 9ah2gp9ha2gphp h ia awijgoijawgioj woja no way man! Gotta watch that movie!!!i o98h89hg9p8hap g9h Yep I thought it was good but I could use a few more movies to understand the movie!! oijaf8998fapf
Ok the local coffee shop is closing for the day. Why? It's not even fucking noon yet. Gotta change the revolving grinder on the grinnnnnnder machine! Can't grind without the grindndndner machine!!!!!!! Ok EVERYONE OUT. GET THE FUCK OUT!I OPIWOIEPOiiofp apoifawio
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