COOL OK THEN

Silence. Hmmm

COOL OK THEN | Silence. Hmmm
Privacy Updates and New Features
January 26 2019

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We here at cool ok then take your privacy and personal data very seriously. That why we wanted to let you know about all the updates and amazing improvements and features we've been creating to make your user experience even better.

1. Encryption - We've updated our encryption technology to AES 256 bits in order to keep your data safe. This is standard practice so we went well above the standard practice here and used the standard and it shows! To date there have been NO breaches within our system in the last 45. That's because we care.

2. Targeted Ads - We've begun using targeted ads based on your personal data and search history because we want to provide you the best products and make sure you buy them at a minimum 83% success rate to help you the consumer make smart purchases. By creating ads tailored to you and you alone you can begin buying products that you want and products you didn't know you wanted and products that you neither want nor need but are worth having nonetheless. It's great. We care.

3. Selling Data - We sell all you personal and private data to third parties including numerous corporations, shell corporations, ISPs, tech startups, foreign affiliates, governing bodies, and many more. This ensures that your data is kept safe within our trusted circle of partnerships. In the very unlikely event Cool Ok Then were to be hacked (it won't be because we care) your data would be backed up among multiple servers across multiple platforms thanks to these third parties. And when you're ready to retreive your personal data our partners are more than happy to sell it to you at a nominal fee, usually $10.99 per month with a 4 year subscription. It's a win-win for everyone especially you. We care.

4. Cool Ok Then Points - We're ramping up our targeted ads campaign and we need your help! In order to provide you with the best ads and the best products we need more information from you. That's why we've created the Cool Ok Then point system. By providing us with more data you will receive Cool Ok Then points. The more data you provide, the more points you collect! These points are non-redeemable and non-transferable but allow you to have points nonetheless. We care about your points!

5. Access to Email - We here at Cool Ok Then believe it's important for us to understand who you are. That's why we've rolled out our integrated Email Sharing program. This allows Cool Ok Then to integrate seamlessly with you personal email. Don't worry, while our team will have access to your username and password and all your emails we rarely need to read your emails for any reason other than update purposes. Our Cool Ok Then artifical intelligence algorithms will scan your email and begin forming a profile on you that will help us understand you and provide better content. Furthermore, our AI will look for any weak points in your email security and will update your password automatically to whatever we choose thus granting us the ability to provide you the most secure times of the day to login to your email. Just send us a request to access your email and we may or may not give you access depending on security purposes. In the event you need to urgently access your email a nominal fee will be applied and you will be deducted 34 Cool Ok Then points. We care.

6. Photo Sharing Program - Cool Ok Then loves the idea of sharing photos and videos. However, we feel our users don't provide enough. Our Photo Sharing Program changes all of that. Through this program our servers will automatically download and save all photos on all your devices free of charge, even photos you've deleted or haven't even taken. Sometimes we feel that a photo should have been taken which is why we've taken the liberty of accessing your smart phone camera and laptop camera and have started taking photos for you. We know a good photo opportunity when we see it and we're here to help. That's why we care!

7. All Time Access - Cool Ok Then is rolling out a new program called All Time Access. What is this you ask? In our fast moving and modern times everyone has smart phones but we believe these smart phones aren't being used to their fullest potential to help you. We care. That's why All Time Access was created to help us help you with your every day life. By installing the All Time Access app on your phone this allows us at Cool Ok Then to access your GPS and microphone and record all your movements and conversations throughout the day and night and all other times. This gives us the opportunity to understand your life and help you navigate it. The longer you use it the more accurate it becomes. We can provide you the best options for restaurants and bars, help you find parking, have a record of you in case your safety is threatened, or just simply watch you. We care about you!

8. Home Listening Entertainment Tower - We here at Cool Ok Then have developed a revolutionary new device to make your life easy. We'd like to introduce to you the Cool Ok Then Home Listening Entertainment Tower. This is a home device that listens to you whenever you speak to it or don't speak to it. It has 12 incredibly sensitive microsensor microphones that pickup any sound within 3,000 feet, even through walls so we can hear your neighbors too to better understand your life! It also has two 360 HD 5k cameras with nightvision that pickup any movement. Video and audio of your household will be recorded to our servers at all times. Why? To provide safety and security 24/7 and to help us provide better services for you. This device allows you to talk to it and it will provide you answers sometimes based on your questions. It's really fun! It also plays music and recommends products every four minutues based on your personal life. These product recommendation intervals can be customized down to every 30 seconds which we recommend and which is factory standard and cannot be changed because we care!

8. Secure Home Access Key - Are you tired of getting your packages stolen off your porch by porch sharks? We know we are and so are you! That's why we've created the Secure Home Access Key. This gives our delivery people a key to your home so they can leave the package inside your door away from thieves. You also have the option of letting the delivery person find the best possible place to hide the package in your house in the event someone breaks in. Our certified delivery person will spend up to an hour searching through your home to find the best possible hiding place for your package. We want your products to be safe and we're willing to do anything for you to outsmart thieves. Not happy with the hiding place? Don't worry, our delivery people will search your home on every delivery thus ensuring variety. We care about you and your products.

9. Friend Connection - We want to know who you spend your time with. By installing this app on your phone it allows us to know who your friends are and to provide that information to law enforcement and government officials for your safety. Safety is important. We care.

10. Friend Recommendation Program - This app allows Cool Ok Then to recommend friends to you at a low rate of $33.22 per quarter period or $3282.82 at a different interval of our choosing that will be revealed after a contract has been signed. We don't want you to be lonely. We want you to be in touch with friends at all times for maximum happiness. Friends include: Cool Ok Then employees, law enforcement, government officials, heads of state, heads of corporations, and other people. Friends are important. We care. 

11. Credit Card and Banking Transaction Integration - Your financial stability is important to us. That's why we're taking charge and helping you with your finances. By integrating Cool Ok Then with your personal credit card purchases and all your banking information we can help you manage your funds and recommend the best products to you for free at no charge (monthly subscription fee applies after the first 12 months at which time you will be charged triple for the first 12 months at double the rate). Our sophisticated AI can help break down your finances into easily digestable chunks and start allocating your money where it needs to go. Users often prefer the Best Products Available package which prioritizes products above anything else. We find ways to cut costs so you can experience more products. Longterm retirement investment markets have proven to be incredibly volatile over time which is not a safe place to keep your money. However, products are tangible and right there in front of you proving that they're worth it which is why we allocate most of your funds towards our products. It's a win-win. We care about you.

12. Money Sharing Services - alright this post is getting too fucking long. Everyone gets it, man. You made your point. People are willing give away their very personal and private data freely for comfort and convenience. Let's end this shit with one of those sentences where it devovles into nonsense because I can't think of a better way to endn thissthis shiiiitiitit jaeoijfaewoijiaojf 

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