COOL OK THEN

Submissions for the 3838853th Annual Submissions Festival are now open! To save yourself a little hassle, please read the submission rules again. This will make everyone's process a little easier and avoid delays! We all hate delays, that's why we avoid them. So let's avoid the delays. To do that we will need To Avoid Them. Do you have some delays? Well that's because you failed to avoid them. You'll need to avoid them to avoid them. The delays are inevitable. They plague everyone. Fortunately, you can avoid them by reading these rules.

• Submissions are to be encoded in ARGV format with all keywords stripped from the end. Parameters include those, them, these, that, this, those, them thsmme h3nm
• Margins have to be margins. Not getting around this, sorry.
• Recent changes in the guidelines rulebook suggest but do not require candidates to put their best foot forward. This is done by doing that.
• Watch out!!!!!!

We encourage thoughtful, original content that adheres to the theme. Themes are themes. We're not denying that. He was doing everything and I was like I can't be like she was like it I don't want to miss any of them if they're sending us all the data endpoints before the end of the day and it's like wait a minute how do w

We're looking forward to this year and what it will bring. Last year brought everything so we're hoping to top that this year by 4.3%. The metrics are available for anyone interested! Let us know. We'll pull the metrics and get those going for you guys. 

What kind of submissions should you submit? That's easy! Thoughtful, original content that adheres to the theme. 

Contact Mark (at) mark (dot) com for suggestions on theme ideas. Mark grew up in the 1930s in a rough-n-tumble neighborhood on the outskirts of City Spire. Urban Planning Services™ confiscated his ideas before he even had them and thus he was sent down a path of coming up with his own ideas. It wasn't that big a deal because Mark was an idea man. He was always having ideas. Once while sweeping City Spire's streets his Idea Machine had an idea: what if?

!! IT'S NOT FUCKING CONSUMMATED !!

And what if indeed? Mark eventually moved out of the outskirts and into the inskirts. He loved it here. He felt at home. He saw life in black and white. If you're wrong, you're wrong. No way out of it. Are you wrong? Well, then you're not right. What are we even saying here? What the fuck is this about? This is about Mark's journey to success. Is it? Yes. 

"Hey man." The voice on the phone was breathless, urgent, intense. Almost panicked.

"Yeah, what do you need?" Mark replied, groggy as fuck.

"Man I need a place to stay. I can't keep running like this."

"Uh... ok sure. What-- where are you?"

Silence on the other end. There was a long thin silence the color of despair. Mark stood there in the darkened hallway, light from the street pouring in through the slits in the kitchen curtains and turning his home into a tomb. His kitchen was a tomb. Entombed. He was entombed in his own tomb! The silence rang out like a desperate bell in the mountain haven of H'lixeter. Goblin King ^∞∞¢¢∞§¶ ruled this mountain haven with a brutality seldom seen in the mountain towns. Their isolation from one another encouraged independent social growth, resulting in colonies of different societies. Communication was difficult - nay, often impossible - between these villages and only in times of dire need, such as during a supernatural winter storm or an invasion from the Snowfire Regiments, were they able to collaborate long enough to overcome the threat.

The threats in Mountain Haven H'lixeter were increasing of late and nobody could pinpoint the cause, but plenty of people had ideas. This was what the Desperation Bell was for.

"...you still there, pal?"

"Yeah man sorry, I'm in trouble. I need a place. I need one fast. STAT. NOW. I NEED IT!" The voice on the end of the line was a bomb of hysteria. 

"We're still accepting submissions."

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