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You're stressed. You're overworked. You're angry. Nobody calls you. It's not that they don't like you, it's just that they don't even think about you. Sound like you? That's because it is. You are not happy. But you want to be. That's why we're launching the pilot program of our new meditation course, Let's Meditate! We've been working on this course for quite some time and we're happy to announce the beta test launch phase is complete. But wait, what is meditation?
Meditation is the art of paying attention. When you pay attention, you purchase things with your attention. That's what that word means. You are paying for something you want. We sell it, you buy it. For $19.95 per month you can purchase all lessons from Let's Meditate! for that month! In order to access all lessons an additional purchase fee is included for subsequent months after initial subscription charge. If you opt for the I'm All In bundle package, your profile will receive a "star" icon to let other users know you are a serious meditator. Here's the entire course broken up by lessons. First five lessons are free, followed by a graduated pay scale commensurate with the amount that we specify in concordance with Article 6.v that specifies all purchases withheld in escrow are subject to .05% accrual fee as specified in the fees secti
LESSON 1:
Why Am I So Stressed?
Easy. You're stressed because you're stressed. Everyone is. Get over it. In this introductory lesson we'll examine what stress is and why you have it. Time to solve it.
LESSON 2:
Why Am I So Pissed Off?
Now that you're no longer stressed, it's time to dig deeper. Anger. We all have emotions and anger is one of them. Fix it.
LESSON 3:
What The Fuck Is Wrong With Me?
Nothing. See how that works? That's because you're MEDITATING.
LESSON 4:
How Do I Improve My Relationships?
In this advanced lesson, you'll learn advanced techniques. If you look inward, you'll discover you are a mirror for how the world sees itself. Mind blown? You're welcome. $19.95.
LESSON 5:
How Do I Be Happy?
Now that your social relationships are fixed, you can move onto the real stuff. The deep stuff. Deep work. The universe has a plan for you, and because you ARE the universe the universe has a plan for itself. Are you getting it yet? Okay so let's break this down. The universe wouldn't hurt itself, would it? Hell no you fucking idiot. Jesus fucking christ this is lesson 5. Why are you in pain if the universe wouldn't hurt you? Because you're NOT HAPPY. Buy this lesson to fix that.
LESSON 6 (PREMIUM CONTENT):
Moving Into Positive Thinking
Our premium content "gets real" with advanced topics such as this. Just do this. $19.95.
LESSON 7 (PREMIUM CONTENT):
Why Do I Hate What Other People Like?
Okay you're a serious meditator now and you're ready for the heavy hitters. This lesson explores difficult and uncomfortable subjects. How do we do that? Good question, let's meditate! (ADVANCED STUDENTS ONLY).
LESSON 8 (PREMIUM CONTENT):
Why Didn't I Take The Chicken Out Of The Freezer Sooner?
You need to plan ahead if you want to be happy. For example, now you can't eat. Pay attention to how this makes you feel. Bet you won't fuck that up again. See? This is progress.
LESSON 9 (PREMIUM CONTENT):
Learning To Love Again
If you aren't willing to be vulnerable, you aren't willing to be happy. Simple as that. You just have to change. $19.95.
LESSON 10 (PREMIUM CONTENT):
Moving On, Letting Go, Acceptance and Completion
This is the ultimate lesson. We recommend you take this one.
Congratulations! You've just finished the course. Not done meditating? Haha we didn't think so. For an additional brokerage fee of 3%% of the registration fee, you'll receive personalized meditations tailored to you! That's why Let's Meditate! has the highest ratings on the course review store. Just take a look at the store page later once we've built it.
Meditation is the most rewarding practice you can do. You have to do it. You have to. That's what you have to do. It. Do it. What do you have to do? We just told you. Uhhhhh pretty sure you're at the end of the post here so uhhhh what the fuck else do you want? This is just a post. Fuck what do you want from me? I just had this god damn idea and blasted it out really fast so I don't know if it works it was just an IDEA I had ok? Look sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, you think there's some magical formula to being funny and original but guess what there isn't, it's just you doing the same thing over and over and realizing: hey I'm having a good time. When you have a good time you stop caring if it works and you just do it because it means something. Maybe not to anyone else except you and maybe no one else gets it but you know what, that's fine, it means something to you, the process is important. You have a voice and it's not easy but it is rewarding, you look back on work over time and think maybe you are making something worth making again, if not for an audience then for you. You look at other people doing bigger work that everyone sees and everyone loves and it's like fucking fuck what is the god damn point why do they admire this person they don't even KNOW THEM or what good work even is but you find something in your own process that brings some kind of peace or comfort in your mind as you wonder what the hell you did with your weekend just looking at fucking data and rereading all these love letters arriving in the mail from all over the country that are making me question who the fuck I am and what kind of impact I make on people and you say, yeah you know what I just need to write something that makes me laugh for five minutes. Now Let's Meditate!