how to drink wine
May 17 2018
1487 words
The American Wine Company has updated their guide to wine drinking. Published here for the first time, we're making it available here for the first time. Several important changes have been made so please be aware of them. When you are finished, please send us an email at our email.
So what is wine? You might have asked yourself that today. If not, ask it now. We'll wait! Back? Do it again. We'll wait. Back already? Haha nope do it again. Please go over there and ask it. Face west, towards wine country and ask that fucking question you fucking fuck. We'll wait here! Don't worry, we're not going anywhere! "WHAT IS WINE?" Just like that. Ask it in that tone of voice please. We're waiting! Still waiting! SSSSTILLLLLL waiting over here. Gotta get moving. Haha super patient. Go over there, ask the question. Have you? Have you done it? What is wine? Haha that's just an example. We asked it, not you. It needs to be YOU.
Wine is the drink of choice for many wine-drinkers. Without wine, they would not be that. Therefore we need wine to sustain it. But did you know that not all wine is the same? It may shock you to discover that. The great thing about drinking wine is that it engages the senses in all five directions. Let's take a look at each of these senses in greater detail:
SIGHT:
Sight is how you see. Pour the bottle of wine and look at the wine that comes out! It's red! Sometimes it's not but it should be when it is. Watch the red wine go down. I like that.
SOUND:
Listen to the sounds. Take a walk through wine country. What do you notice? What do you hear? Write it down. We don't condone this. Do you hear the wine? That is the sound of wine.
TASTE:
Taste the wine by tasting it.
SOUND:
When you hear the wine enter the glass that's how you know it's wine.
SOUND:
Another one of the Great Senses, sound was first discovered near the Red Wall. This is important. I dunno man I need a couple nights to myself. I'm fucking fried as fuck that's why! Why do you care?! Uhh because sleep is important, maybe? Maybe you need sleep to get your brain back on the rails? It's wine night! Take all the wines you have and mix them together in the sink (pro tip: plug the sink!! lol). Notice something. Just anything. Anything at all. Interesting, isn't it? What is? It! What you have here is known as a "wine time" and this is where it gets really interesting.
TOUCH:
Stick your finger in the wine glass and swirl it around for a while. This is called "accelerating the wine" and helps with it.
SMELL:
How?
Question 3:
The Board of Directors recently announced a change in management operations. Going forward, all regional distribution centers will be monitored by close-contact proximity measures instead of the old memorator devices. This change has been implemented to facilitate cohesion across territories and will not affect day-to-day operations. Please submit a vanity request form to the processing department to white-line your chosen directive. Questions or concerns? Please don't.
CHOOSING WINES:
Wine comes in many flavors and variants. You need to choose one. This is done by doing that.
ORDERING WINE:
This one is easy. All you have to do is order the wine! Or maybe something a little stronger! I've got a few bottles of the Old Winyard left! 1296. VERY GOOD YEARRRR ALLOMSMT AS ASOLDO AS I AM!!!!
JUST TEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU.
W
OPENING THE WINE:
Whoops haha almost forgot about this. You need to open the wine. If you don't, it's not.
DRINKING THE WINE:
And now for the best part: drinking it you god damn drunk! How do you drink wine? Haha ummm have you been paying attention? That's what this whole article is about. You pour it into your mouth. You need to drink a lot if you want to feel anything. The point of drinking is to go as far as you can into intoxication. You want to erase your consciousness. It's all about killing the silence. Drink up. Drink. Drink it up. That's what they did in the past and that's what we do now. So drink it up please! Drink that wine! If it's wine, you'll know it because you've got wine! See how it feels! Sometimes you won't feel anything but that's because you didn' drink tienough. If you drink enough, yo'ull know. wyoul'l know wknow yo'ull know,..... you'll knowkk,,,,, you'll now
knowll'll know
you'll know........ you'llllllllllll .lkknow
you'll know if you know. knowing is when you kojnwllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
enoughhhhhhhhhhhhh eeeeerindking ineough
PART TWO - WINE QUIZ
This quiz will quiz your knowledge of wine as discussed in Section 1. Consider the following pictures and choose those.
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