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Alright! Wow! What a turnout! Welcome to the bus everyone! Everyone on the bus? Everyone's on the bus! GREAT! Now before we begin our tour of the city just a couple of legal things to get out of the way. This IS a tour of the city so for anyone allergic to allergies of the sort of those then please let me know. We can't be held accountable for your shitty genes. You got allergies? Ha not my fucking problem. Just the luck of the draw. You have bad coordination? You're gonna have to figure that shit out on your own. The world is tough. Fucking deal with it. You weren't smart enough to get into college? Why is that my problem? Why the fuck is that my problem? We're on a bus. You're on a bus. I'm giving this tour. I AM! NOT YOU! FUCKING GET OVER IT. Also, there are no pictures allowed. You can purchase pictures of the tour after the tour is over but no pictures are allowed while on the tour and there will be NO pictures available for purchase at the end of the tour. Gotta live in the moment that's here with us now as they say! Last, keep your arms on the bus at all times while the bus is moving on this bus but also then. Alright, now without further adeeeeeieieiiuuuuuuuu let's begin the tour!
Alright, everyone off the bus! Get off the bus. GET OFF THE FUCKING BUS. Haha kidding. Everyone back on the bus! Just a little bus humor. And here we go!
Now this bus was constructed 4 years ago. It has a 6 liter 8.8 V-5 turbo torque engine and can reach a maximum of 2.2223 before it's maxed out at around the max. It also needs that for the max. But you don't care about that. While this is a bus tour, it's not a tour about the bus. It's about the city. Read the fine print. Let's get back to the tour.
Ok on your left you'll see a building. Nothing special about that. Or is there? Let's examine. That's where Treln Morn wrote her first play which became the city's Official Play which is shown every year on July 38th during the city's annual Festival of Plays and Art and Other Things or Not Iunno at the Art District's Valmnnnn Theater. While writing the play Treln was quoted as saying, "plays are the plays of the soul that play us from one moment to the next like a play. Who's that? They're in my seat. Get them out. I didn't write this play for seat takers. Have him killed. Next."
Moving on, you'll see coming up on your left that's a building. Yep. Ok and on your right that's what they made then for that building. Ok. Cool ok then. On your other right. Ok. And there? It's there. It is. Now, up here, don't. And when you see those, please allow it some. I need a new fucking angle with this shit. Kinda just doing the same old shit. Ok.
GET ON THE BUS! JUST SOME BUS HUMOR. SIT DOWN! SITTTT DOOOWWWNWNWNWN.>>>>>>>E>>E>>EE>E>
Ooooooooooooooook now on your left you'll see a great spot. Love that spot. Now when you go there you'll see that they have a lot. NO PICTURES!!!! GET OFF MY FUCKIING BUUUSSSSS! Hahahahahaha NO REFUNDS.
Up here you'll notice that the head of the statue of our city's founder is missing. While on the surface the missing head is nothing more than a missing head, the human mind will add meaning to that. You might begin to think that because this statue isn't in pristine condition we must be in an area where vandalism is more rampant and therefore this part of town is dangerous. Isn't that interesting how the human brain can create stories and meaning based on nothing more than imagination? We make up things constantly about the world and believe them as if they're fact when in reality it's something completely different. We are meaning making machines! You walk into a supermarket and a woman gives you a weird look. You make up something about how that woman is fucking rude piece of shit when in reality she may have not seen you at all. She may have been day dreaming and thought of something unpleasnant. You don't fucking know. We don't know anything. I can't read your mind. You can't read mine. Wanna try? Wanna try to read my mind? YOU CAN'T! None of you can! I'm an individual. I'm different!!!!! Yep, I'm me therefore I am me and I'm different! Hahahhaha WE'RE ON A BUSSSSSSS.
Ok now we're gonna go over the Drannnon Bridge. This bridge was built in 1839 using materials that are used to build a bridge. The bridge passed inspection last year meaning it's ok for us to drive the bus over it. Interesting, huh? Let's do the math on this. This is a bridge. We're on it. That approaches the maximum of 88.22 kwh. Using this integer as a number we can clearly see that the acute angle is more than that. It's not, however, more than that. You gotta do the math, people. Gotta do it. Can't skate through life without doing the math. THAT'S WHY I'M LEADING THIS TOUR ON THIS BUSUSUSUSSSSSS! Ma'am, do the math.
Next up you'll see that the tour bus is gonna make a stop here. Why? It's them! Look at them! Who? WHOOO???? Fucking open your eyes, people! It's THEM. It's always been them!!!! Every time. Last time you were thinking "no way couldn't have been them" but it was. IT WAS! Them!!!!!! It's always them. Always them. Why? I don't fucking know. You'll have to ask them. I'm not them so I don't know. You gotta be aware of this shit, people. Them! It's either them or it isn't but what did I say earlier? What did I fuuckkckgin saayy?? It's ALWAYS them! Alwwwwaayyssays! Hahahaha why? I DON'T KNOW! You gotta be aware them! BE AWARE OF THEM!!! Hahaha yep them! They're always looking. Who? THEMMMMMM!!! Always looking. Aaaaaalways looking. Who? WHO?! THEMMM! It's always THEMMMM!!!! GET OFF THE BUS!!! EVERYONE OFF THE FUCKING BUSSSSSSSS!!!!!! TOUR IS OVERRRRR!!!!! GET OFFF THE BUUUSSSSSS!IIO!OI!D89d89898d9289j2j89d8j928j9d89j2 Please leave your name, address, and email at the front so we can contact you about future opportunities on the bus and/or off the bus. We can't let you leave the bus without your information. All information provided is subject to search and inspection for authenticity. Noncompliance will result in fees ranging from $8498923 to $8249889238.222232 upon receipt of payment of $8489893498. Your card has been declined. Your card has been declined. We will confiscate your card now. Please allow 7 to 7 days following the morning after 1pm for your new card to arrive. Your address has been updated. No cards are avaible at this time. Your funds have been put on hold. Please step forward for bus processing.